Let’s talk about cognitive biases: Sunk Cost Fallacy The sunk cost fallacy is where you continue to move forward with a decision using data points that are no longer relevant. Those data points are the “sunk cost”. It is essentially the tendency to pursue a goal that we committed ourselves to by dumping more resources and money into it regardless of the costs not being recoverable. We aren’t always rational beings no matter how much we like to think we are. We are often influ
Every now and then, you need to cut people out of your life. Friends, family, work colleagues, and lovers — if they are toxic to your life, they’ve got to go. This doesn’t mean they become dead to you, it means that you need to put some more distance between them and yourself. After all, you aren’t obligated to suffer for anyone else. I want to be clear that I’m talking about those bringing an immense amount of pain to your life and not someone who simply disagrees with you.
We all have boundaries, but sometimes we forget to communicate them. When that happens, we can feel overwhelmed when those boundaries are crossed. But you can’t really expect others to know what your boundaries were if you never told them! Here are four common boundaries many people forget to establish: You let others vent about their problems without telling them you can’t handle the emotional burden. You never say no. It can be hard for those of you who are people pleasers,
Resentment is the most toxic of all emotions in any relationship. As hurt and resentment accumulate in a relationship—it becomes harder, and harder, to empathize with the other persons perspective. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘧𝘶𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘶𝘯𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘶𝘯𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯; 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳𝘴? Here’s how it works: resentment, anger, and fear are a
Are you easily offended? Many humans will go through their life with a relentless feeling of offense by what someone else 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. But get this... No one offends you. It's your 𝘦𝘹𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 of 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵, and 𝘩𝘰𝘸 others 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 act that do. No shame here as most people are easily offended before they dig deep and do the “work”. Doing the work requires us to look at our unhelpful behaviors with a microscope and decide determini
Let’s talk about codependency and interdependency! Most relationships operate from a place of codependency, which can be described through the phrase “if you’re happy, I’m happy.” You are codependent if you rely on another person for your own happiness and emotional stability rather than relying on yourself. Interdependence is an attachment between two people that is safe and secure, where dependency on the other doesn’t come at the cost of our own needs. When looking to impr
We recently got a question on Facebook about how to increase sexual desire and libido in women. Sex is nothing to be shameful about despite what much of society tells you; and this is a common question that many are terrified to ask, but it can lead to an remarkable difference in the quality of your life. To start, let’s get this out of the way: women are complex and there isn’t a simple answer. Sex drive or lack thereof (hypoactive sexual desire disorder) is a combination of
Have you or your partner ever threatened your relationship? If this hasn’t happened to you, consider yourself lucky. We aren’t always rational creatures (I know shocking) and sometimes we say things we don’t mean. Threatening to end the relationship isn’t uncommon but also isn’t something to just endure. If you meant it, then you’d probably have already ended the relationship, so why do we threaten it? There’s three primary reasons people threaten to end relationships: 1. Pow
The holiday seasons are traditionally a time of family gatherings and gift giving, especially Christmas. I don’t know about you, but for me the price someone pays when they get me a gift is the least of my concern. What I really take note of is how the giver has chosen what to gift to me. Did they remember something I said in passing? Did they consider a problem I have and attempt to aide in the solution? Did they choose the gift based off of my interests and dreams? If you’r
It’s completely normal to want to control everything around you. But you can’t. I know that’s a shocker to many of you. External environments are ever changing and we can either attribute our successes and failures to internal sources or external. Which source you give your locus of control has a huge impact on your quality of life. The more anxious or depressed a person is, the more external their locus of control reflects. External locus of control has also been implicated
We all experience strong emotions from time to time. Many of us impulsively push them away. Hey there my fellow avoidant types! We push as hard as we can against a perceived force of resistance. It brings us a false sense of security. Why feel uncomfortable emotions if we don’t have to? But check this… this is only a short term solution. What we avoid always comes raging back at some point or another. Short term fixes are elusive and persuasive. I have a habit of wanting to a
It’s important to understand your partners needs, but having the talks that illuminate these needs can be uncomfortable. There’s no getting around that. Here’s six truths that we believe you should learn about one another to maximize long-term happiness. First, determine your attachment styles. It’s a great way to better understand and navigate your securities and insecurities in the relationship. Second, talk about childhood and relationship trauma. Everyone subconsciously r
Does unconditional love exist? We believe it does. We believe unconditional love exists because love isn’t transactional. Love is a chemical connection to another human and something that is not easily gained or lost. I think we can all agree that there is at least one person, be it a parent, a child, or a partner, that you will love forever. Even if they hurt or disappoint you, you’ll love them. People often conflate love with relationships. They aren’t the same thing. Relat
You know those times that you feel like throwing your computer out the window because of the nonsense you read on the internet? What about when your kids are refusing to listen to a word you say? That significant other that just can’t see how obtuse they are being? Well friends… those strong emotional reactions have their roots in emotional flooding. I’m not talking about slight annoyances, but rather the overwhelm that causes us to act in an irrational manner. During these e
How many of you have been in a relationship (or are currently in one) where your partner didn’t want you to exercise, eat a certain way, or accomplish goals that you have? It’s a red flag. It indicates that your partner is insecure about you gaining self-confidence and becoming less codependent on them. It’s not a conscious action, but an unconscious belief. Now, obviously we need to be realistic about setting goals, so some inquiry about why and how you have come to set a ce
Ever pondered how strong your relationship is? Will it crack with a minor slight? Well, check this, you can directly assess the strength of your relationship with this one question: How safe do you feel opening up to your partner? It’s a pretty important question because how safe you feel opening up to your partner and expressing your true authentic self is a great indicator of how strong your relationship is. Those fears we have about being authentic — fears of rejection, st
In healthy relationships communication is key. When we communicate our perspective, needs and desires — your partner can do their part in helping you feel seen and heard. Results of open communication is sporadic conflict. Conflict is an inevitable aspect of life, especially with those whom you love deeply, as those are the ones we feel most comfortable with being our raw selves. While conflict is absolutely part of a normal healthy relationship, it can also be a weak spot in
Everyone behaves poorly in relationships every now and again. It’s normal and generally not an issue. If certain behaviors persist for a while, however, things can start to take a turn for the worst. So, to help bring awareness to your relationship habits, here’s 4 things that you should stop doing: 1.) Too much criticism. Stop being nitpicky and criticizing your partner over every little thing they do wrong. It’s not worth the time or energy and just serves to strain the rel
Keep your eyes on these 5 red flags that your relationship is unhealthy. 1.) Your expectations are different. It’s normal to have differing beliefs in life, but if those differences exist in big issues like religion, politics, or your child’s education, then you’re probably not a good match. These types of differences in beliefs are a recipe for long-term arguments and fights. 2.) Your expectations are ridiculous. You cannot control other people and having such expectations i
𝐈𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐦𝐞𝐝, 𝐏𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐄!
It’s really important to remember to 𝘱𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 when you feel stressed or upset because those emotional states bring up a lot of subconscious conditioning, trauma, and experiences that significantly influence your perception of the situation. 𝐉𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐛𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐟 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐢𝐠𝐦 𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐜𝐭.
As Nietzsche st