I Didn't Fall For You—You Fucking Tripped Me

Updated: Sep 30, 2020


You can’t eat, you can’t sleep, and all you can think about is your next fix.

Our search for love and approval stems from a fundamental human desire to avoid self rejection. We try to compensate for that by seeking approval and validation from other humans. It's innate but can cross over into dumbfuckery quicklike. You know that never ending search for the Cinderella love story that doesn't exist.

That right there is how an addiction to love manifests. We will do anything to get that hit just like a strung out junkie. We will go to great lengths and make unspeakable sacrifices to get that approval and feel the safety of a relationship. We put up with insanity from ourselves and our lover.

As a result of settling for crumbs to get that hit of your favorite drug we set ourselves up for relationship failure.

The alternative here is you end up staying in in a relationship which leads to a perpetual cycle of stagnation and lack of growth—just to feed that addiction and stay fed.

Addiction defined:

A repeated involvement in a behavior that leads to negative consequences. Usually characterized by the inability to easily stop the behavior.

When you are in the cycle of any addiction behavioral or substance based;

  • Life stops.

  • Growth is halted.

  • Emotional maturity stops evolving.

  • Happiness is lost.

  • Sense of self disappears.

The only way out of this hot mess is to reject dependency on anyone and start building your relationship with self. This usually includes a period of abstinence initially. That means a relationship break for most people trapped in this cycle.

This is ideally done to develop radical self acceptance and self love. ​You are a beautifully flawed individual whom doesn’t need anyone or anything to feel worthwhile. You can not do this when you are dependent on someone else to validate you.

An addictive relationship is basically defined as one that brings you immense pain. Tends to embody a love/hate dynamic. It is frequently characterized by conflicts, dissatisfactions, complaints, and emotional/physical violence.

It is addictive because despite being aware of how it's dysfunctional as fuck—you keep rationalizing the dynamics as being a net gain, you keep participating in conflicts, you keep focusing on what your lover is doing wrong and what they need to do to make things right.

The only way out of an addictive relationship is to change how you perceive things, what you are willing to put up with. The tricky part is to make the leap to change. Familiarity breeds comfort—it is natural not to know what to expect and assume things will be worse. But I assure you not all relationships have this dynamic and the only was to see this is to jump ship.



I will leave you with one of my faves from The Anatomy of Love:

The brain studies confirm that love can be described as an addiction.

It is a natural addiction.

Maybe drugs like cocaine just hop on the natural addiction systems needed for hunger, thirst, romance and attachment.

Indeed, the passion we feel after rejection shows all of the traits of an addiction.

Foremost, like all addicts, recently rejected lovers display intense energy and motivation to get their drug: the beloved.

They focus their attention and think obsessively about him or her—intrusive thinking.

When we asked our rejected participants what percentage of the day and evening they thought about their departing partner, most replied that they thought about him or her some 85% of their waking hours; others said they never stop thinking about their rejecting mate.

Someone was camping in their head.

The besotted man or woman also craves emotional union with their sweetheart.

Sure, they’d love to have sex with him or her.

But foremost, they hope their disappearing lover will call, write, invite them out, rescind their decision to depart and say those precious words, “I love you.”

Like any addict, abandoned lovers hunger for their drug—their mate.

Rejected lovers also express personality changes, as do other kinds of addicts. Some change their hair or clothes to look sexier or more romantically appealing.Some adopt new interests to attract or appease. Some even change their careers or move to a different state or country to follow him or her. And as the cocaine addict becomes highly anxious without their drug, the lover suffers “separation anxiety” when out of touch.

Even worse, when rejected they often love even harder—frustration-attraction.