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Self Help Books Won't Help

Updated: Feb 9, 2020

Working from yesterdays post on cognitive distortions and that denial loop we get stuck in.  

Denial lives in our shadow self. What is that? The shadow is the side of your personality that contains all the parts of yourself that you are embarrassed to have or reject. It camps out in our subconscious. It is only through intentional self introspection that it comes to light.

Some examples of how this manifests in our life: 

  • Know it alls are usually hiding insecurities about their lack of knowledge.

  • Tough girls and boys are hiding their sensitivity. Hello friends. Everyone has painted me as hard as fuck. Why do I often get painted that way? Because it’s an ego defense mechanism I have deep rooted to protect my overly, detrimentally so, sensitive empathetic soul.

  • Excessive humor covers up peoples sadness.

  • Perpetual starvation is to cover up the idea that you won’t be good enough unless you reach perfection.   

  • Binge eating is often a facade utilized for covering up lack of self care and nourishment in other areas. 

The shift that needs to occur here is perceptual my friends. 

See — your outer shell is there to serve you. To guide you. They are not negatives that need to be rejected. Our shells are our roadmap to personal development. To reaching our maximum potential. 

No, reading thirty books on personal development won’t get you to that six figure ++ salary you’re seeking. No, reading every relationship book you can, will not get you your soul mate and eternal happiness. 

What will? 

Actually doing the fucking work that no one wants to do. 

When you accept your whole self — good and bad, you will no longer need your shell of denial to protect you. 

You will allow your facades and masks you of perfection fall away. Exposing your authentic self to the world. Dropping the games of you being better than or less than anyone else. Our shells are created from an ego ideal.

Ego defined: False ignorantly assumed identity. A doomed clinging at all costs to a false facade — to keep alive the fiction of its identity, that it is projecting onto the world. 

You know, the archetype you have been conditioned to see as perfect. 

Challenge the person you are in order to uncover the person you could be. 

Using other people as mirrors helps us decipher our masks. 

Ask the people closest to you what your positive traits are and negative. 

Be receptive. They have to know you’re not going to lose your shit if they show you your weaks spots. Remember a volatile reaction is the ego defense. Meaning there must be some truth to it or you wouldn’t be getting an emotional charge, or obsessing. You’re the only one who can make others feel safe to tell you the truth. 

Find out if you appear to others as you appear to yourself. 

People often resist this work because the fear of judgment. Most wont get very far in personal development because they are unwilling to be honest with themselves. 

The ego hates losing control. The moment you acknowledge the good and the bad, our ego feels a loss of power as if it’s losing control. 

Reframing what you perceive as judgment to that of feedback, is where it’s at. 

We never have to agree to what others are saying about us — but if we are afraid to even hear it, or push it away, you need to take notice. Check yourself. 

If you resist feedback at all costs, then this is denial at work

Most people are afraid they will hear what the fear most.







We are scared to hear feedback because we are afraid on some level we are lying to ourselves. If you honestly think what someone thinks about you has no basis in reality you won’t care. You will not keep hammering on the topic of them being wrong. 

We are in this thing called life together. Push your boundaries. Get uncomfortable and I promise radical acceptance of everything that you are will occur. No more hiding. No more denying aspects of yourself to create a false reality. Once you remove this shit the limits of your life are removed. 

Comment over here. 

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