Relationships take work, there’s no getting around that. A good way to decide if a relationship is worth it, or to vet someone before committing—is to pay attention to and talk about these five potential relationship mismatches.
First, what are your dreams and long-term goals? It’s important that both you and your partner are on the same page because larger goals take a lot of little actions and require a healthy support system. Where do you want to be in 5-10 years? This isn’t just career, but also relates to family and children, marriage, where you want to live, etc.
Second, what are your needs? What do you each need to feel good and be the best version of yourself, and can you each provide those needs for one another? A lot of people don’t know what they require to be happy, so the first step here is to do a little self-introspection.
Third, take some time to become aware of your attachment styles, which impact how your think and behave in the relationship. If you both become aware of yourself and your partner’s attachment style, then you can both work together to move towards relationship security.
Fourth, become aware of annoying habits. Everyone has their quirks, and it’s important to talk about those habits to see if they can be changed, or if they are something that requires compromise. This is also a great vetting tool to see if someone is willing to put in effort to make a change for the betterment of themselves and the relationship.
Fifth, how much intimacy do you require? We all need it, but not the same amounts, so you want to ensure that you’re on the same wavelength as your partner. If someone wants to be intimate daily and you only want to be once or twice a week, that mismatch will just cause problems down the road (resentment, infidelity, etc.). Also, be consistent and don’t become complacent as the relationship progresses.
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