Have you or your partner ever threatened your relationship?
If this hasn’t happened to you, consider yourself lucky.
We aren’t always rational creatures (I know shocking) and sometimes we say things we don’t mean. Threatening to end the relationship isn’t uncommon but also isn’t something to just endure. If you meant it, then you’d probably have already ended the relationship, so why do we threaten it?
There’s three primary reasons people threaten to end relationships:
1. Power play. When you feel like you don’t have enough power in the relationship, threatening to end things can be an easy way to gain power and control in the relationship by putting the other person on the defensive.
2. Emotional instability. If you don’t know what you want, then threatening to end things can just be another day for you. This is the least common, but it does occur and is due entirely to the instability of the person doing the threatening (as opposed to an issue with the relationship per se).
3. Needs aren’t getting met. This is the most common reason for relationship threats; that one person’s needs are not being met. The reasons for this could be many, and the solution is to communicate what you feel you are lacking to the other person. Sometimes the issue is internal and other times it involves the partner.
This happens in old and new relationships alike, as we are all human and bound to have disagreements. Sometimes people enjoy arguing, especially if they are the ones seeking validation and testing their partners love; however, this is the least beneficial use of words when trying to get needs met. There are far better ways to get needs met that don’t deteriorate relationship capital.
Whether these threats are theatrical in nature or a simple unconscious power play it isn’t productive arguing. Sitting down with your partner and rationally discussing needs and wants that aren’t being met is absolutely necessary if you want to course correct. Nuclear empty threats during moments of intense emotion are always a shit idea that leads to the real breakdown of what a relationship is built on. Trust.
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