How To Spot Unhealthy Codependency
Let’s talk about codependency and interdependency!
Most relationships operate from a place of codependency, which can be described through the phrase “if you’re happy, I’m happy.” You are codependent if you rely on another person for your own happiness and emotional stability rather than relying on yourself. Interdependence is an attachment between two people that is safe and secure, where dependency on the other doesn’t come at the cost of our own needs.
When looking to improve yourself and your relationship by moving away from codependency, here are several things to keep an eye out for.
“If you love me, I love you” should become “I love myself and make space to love you as well.”
“I feel the same as you feel” should become “I feel and hold space for your emotions too.”
“You need to meet all of my needs” should become “I rely on myself and you to meet different needs of mine.”
“I betray my own desires to feel loved by you” should become “I am authentic, love myself, and feel safe communicating my needs to you.”
“I use this relationship to try and fix myself or you” should become “I’m in this relationship for mutual evolution and healing.”
In short, don’t conflate love with codependency. We are all individual beings trying to get through life together. Giving up your own desires and identity to meet the needs of a partner has unhealthy short-term as well as long-term consequences.
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