Ever pondered how strong your relationship is? Will it crack with a minor slight? Well, check this, you can directly assess the strength of your relationship with this one question: How safe do you feel opening up to your partner?
It’s a pretty important question because how safe you feel opening up to your partner and expressing your true authentic self is a great indicator of how strong your relationship is.
Those fears we have about being authentic — fears of rejection, stigmatization, judgement — those are all based on expectations we hold about the other person and their reactions.
Those expectations can come from either present experiences with this individual or past experiences with other individuals. Everything flavors our current interactions with our partners. We cannot separate past experiences with current.
This leads into a really overlooked aspect of personal development. You need to do the inner work to build confidence in being authentic because if you don’t, you’re going to pull past trauma and project it onto your current partner.
But in order to do that, you have to drop the ego and be vulnerable, which means that the other person cannot be shaming you and creating a hostile environment. The ego really likes to take hold here. It doesn’t like feeling out of control, unheard, or that it may have projected untruths onto our partners.
The other person needs to realize that you won’t always be operating from your higher self and be compassionate so that you have a “safe space” to grow.
As much as I hate giving people “safe spaces” due to it hindering growth — what’s the point of doing self introspection if you’re never met with resistance — I do think we need to hold space for our partners to work through their own shit. It isn’t easy by any means when they are being illogical and throwing problems that aren’t yours onto you, but that’s what a relationship is, a verbal contract to help each other grow until it is no longer viable.
In short, you should feel safe opening up to your partner in a healthy relationship, but that requires both of you to introspect and build inner strength while also creating a fostering environment for one another to freely express opinions and feelings.
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