We recently got a question on Facebook about how to increase sexual desire and libido in women.
Sex is nothing to be shameful about despite what much of society tells you; and this is a common question that many are terrified to ask, but it can lead to an remarkable difference in the quality of your life.
To start, let’s get this out of the way: women are complex and there isn’t a simple answer. Sex drive or lack thereof (hypoactive sexual desire disorder) is a combination of physiological and psychological factors, and that’s what we want to address.
First and foremost, let’s get supplements out of the way, since you can implement these immediately.
Maca – increases libido over 8 weeks then plateaus from taking 2-3 grams daily. The mechanism isn’t known.
Anything that increases nitric oxide – which increases blood flow to the clitoris and vaginal region when aroused. Cocoa, grape seed extract, and pine bark extract are all great examples.
Yohimbine – antagonizes alpha-adrenergic receptors and increases blood flow with 0.2 mg/kg
It’s also important to be aware of your hormonal status, since those obviously impact libido. If you are very lean, then your testosterone and estrogen levels are going to be lower, which will reduce your sex drive. There’s nothing that can be done here other than gain weight or go on hormone replacement therapy. While blood tests are obviously incredibly helpful here, women have an obvious sign of being too lean: they stop ovulating and/or having their period. Obesity has also been shown to reduce sex drive by sex-hormone imbalances.
Now let’s talk about psychology. The state of the relationship plays a critical role in a woman’s desire. If you don’t like your partner, then you are going to be less inclined to have sex with them. It sounds simple because it is!
But a more prevalent issue is self-esteem. Performance anxiety is something that affects both men and women and can greatly reduce sexual function. If you are insecure about the way you look, smell, perform, or whatever it is that is making you insecure—then that can cause huge reductions in sex drive and sexual performance from the anxiety it causes. This is the most common cause of erectile dysfunction in men and likely the most common cause of having a low sex drive in women.
Communication is the answer. If you express your fears to your partner, it creates an opportunity for your partner to show compassion and love that could be what alleviates your anxiety. It creates a new level of trust and understanding between you both that can go a long way towards increasing sex drive.
Touch and acts of service also help. Women like to be cared for, and showing them physical affection or doing things for them (e.g., chores) can really increase their appreciation for you and, as a result, their sex drive.
Foreplay is huge for women. Why? Because if they have better experiences, they are more likely to seek sex out. Many women cannot climax from intercourse alone (sorry guys) so this is where foreplay can make the entire experience more desirable.
Lastly, some people want novelty. This is again where communication is helpful, because you can’t expect people to know what you want if you don’t tell them!
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