Radical Acceptance
Updated: Apr 1, 2020
Radical acceptance is accepting the present as is.
It’s a method that you can use whenever you are caught in the midst of a negative situation, be it with another human or current events. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘳𝘰𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵, so don’t let the negativity overcome you and don’t pass judgement on yourself or others. Just acknowledge what is happening in the present, and move forward.
You can’t change what’s already happened.
The present is the only moment you have control over.
This moment is the result of a million other decisions.
One of the largest misconceptions around radical acceptance is that you must agree with what is happening. That simply isn’t true.
𝗔𝗰𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗮𝗹.
For example we can not ‘𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦’ or condone certain treatments from others, such as infidelity in a monogamous relationship, abuse from a spouse, being fired from a job, or getting kicked out of our homes — but we can accept things as they are.
When we resist 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘪𝘴 we resign ourselves to being miserable fucks that wallow in our suffering indefinitely — because hey, we cannot change anything, right?
Well get this; radical acceptance doesn’t mean that you are approving of any of these things, it simply means that you are acknowledging reality as it is. You are acknowledging what happened, or what’s currently happening.
Fighting reality only intensifies our emotional reaction. Fighting what 𝗜𝗦 only creates suffering.
When we fight what is we often use words like “𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥” or “𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘳” or “𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘮𝘦”.
While pain is inevitable in life, suffering is optional — suffering is what happens when we refuse to accept the pain in our lives.
Acceptance also doesn’t mean giving up. To the contrary my friends… once we accept reality, we can consider if we’d like to change it. We can say: “𝘖𝘒, 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘹𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘴. 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘥. 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘭𝘦 𝘪𝘵?”
In other words, practicing acceptance actually leads the way to problem solving.
Radical acceptance takes lots of practice. It may feel super strange initially due to hardwired mental habits that you have established for years, but remember that radical acceptance is about acknowledging reality — not liking it or contesting it. Once you acknowledge what’s really happening, you can change it or start to heal.
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