It’s important to understand your partners needs, but having the talks that illuminate these needs can be uncomfortable. There’s no getting around that. Here’s six truths that we believe you should learn about one another to maximize long-term happiness.
First, determine your attachment styles. It’s a great way to better understand and navigate your securities and insecurities in the relationship.
Second, talk about childhood and relationship trauma. Everyone subconsciously relives past trauma until it’s addressed, so talking about these negative past experiences can help minimize projection and change these ingrained habits loops.
Third, talk about what habits you believe are keeping your partner from being their best self. This one can be very uncomfortable and trigger ego defenses, so it should be done only from a mutual standpoint of growth. Also, don’t give each other a laundry list of faults. Go slow and communicate with just one or two things at a time.
Fourth, talk about your ideal sex life. Another really uncomfortable one, but also incredibly important because a lack of sex can be the breaking point for many relationships, leading to infidelity, lying, and unhappiness.
Fifth, talk about where you see your relationship in 5–10 years. It’s important to set expectations early on so that neither of you end up wasting time or taking advantage of the other person’s time.
Sixth, talk about something that your partner used to do but stopped doing. This happens all the time because we become complacent or our lives change (kids, etc.). It’s important to let your partner know if you miss doing something and making efforts to try and do it again.
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