What Do Strong Internal Boundaries Look Like?
Internal boundaries are akin to the picket fence around your house. 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘶𝘳𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘬𝘦𝘦𝘱 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘶𝘵. Boundaries should be flexible, but they also need to be rigid enough to not let others walk all over your lawn without your permission.
An internal boundary is a 𝐥𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭 we set with our self, regarding our own values. What we think is right or wrong; correct or incorrect. A lot of people refer to internal boundaries as 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧-𝘥𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘰𝘳 𝘨𝘳𝘰𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱. Oh, if it were that simple…
𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞:
Views feedback as data, not as a personal attack
Responses instead of reactions to uncomfortable feelings and fear
Believes in one’s ability to learn from failures
Doesn’t overreact to annoyances
Doesn’t ruminate on mistakes
Allows themselves to experience a range of emotions
Doesn’t hyper-focus on negativity
Maintains personal standards without caving to peer-pressures
Doesn’t always try to fix other people or their problems
Says goodbye to toxic people and situations
Developing your boundaries and implementing them with others takes 𝐚 𝐥𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 — it isn’t easy, and it won’t always be fun, but it is necessary for healthy relationships.
Strengthening these boundaries will take constant work due to many of us being conditioned as kidlets to not to uphold our boundaries via our parents disregarding them as we developed.
𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘱𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘢𝘪𝘥 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵; 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘷𝘰𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘰𝘯; 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘬𝘦𝘱𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘱; 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘴𝘬𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘥𝘰 𝘢 𝘤𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘢𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘥; 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘭𝘭𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥. All of these instances conditioned us to not listen to our inner boundaries.
In order to start changing our detrimental behaviors, it is necessary to have an 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘢𝘭 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘢𝘳𝘺 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯 𝘶𝘴 — who often wants immediate gratification/immediate relief from uncomfortable feelings.
Strong internal boundaries separate us from behaviors. Meaning what we do is not who we are. You are not a piece of shit for not taking the trash out, you just need better internal boundaries. When we look at events objectively, we can shift behaviors and patterns that are dysfunctional. We then can reach our full potential.
We strengthen our boundaries like we strengthen any other muscle. With exercise (𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦).
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