It is human nature to judge — this my friends is an undeniable fact.
We do this to gauge our own behaviors, assign value, and determine our social status. It's quite the evolutionary advantage to be able to identify humans who are fierce, strong, and healthy. This helps us decide which are the best mates to procreate with.
So judgments are indeed a fact of a normal human experience. We have these deep instinctual drives but we have evolved past the need to just survive and mate. The real magic sauce doesn’t lie in the judgments themselves, but rather what you do next with that information.
We make judgements about other humans and then gravitate towards those that we perceive as least threatening to our way of life. Tending to collect those who make us the most comfortable with our self image and beliefs.
When you have some part of you that is unhealed and open, like a soul draining habit you're trying to break — you're walking around with large magnet for people displaying the same behaviors.
You can see it.
You can smell it.
They don't have to step up to the confession booth for you to plug into their energy. Your unconscious mind is seeking approval and confirmation.
I have been known to tell people that "I see them". Those of you that I have said this to will know what I am talking about.
I "see you", because I see it in myself. All those dirty naughties that everyone has been taught to hide in fear of being judged as less than by our peers, I connect to as a present or past version of myself.
I can spot you hiding those naughties a mile away and have so much fucking compassion for the fear of being found out. It's hard when society sees you as less than for being honest about your shadows. We all have behaviors and desires deemed taboo by society.
Not everyone feels like they can be open with these and I get that. We all have our place and purpose in this world and mine is to expose the social conditioned bullshit to let others know that they aren't less than for simply being human.
Lying and rejecting desires are an integral aspect of our social survival.
When you run into people demonstrating the same shadows you plug into each other. You want to support your biases. We choose the path of least resistance.
Say we judge others for eating junk food or boozing it up, instead of being a spin class smashing Suzie homemaker on the weekends — usually this has nothing to do with the other person and more to do with our inability to forgive ourselves for something we have done, a past self that we reject, or something we desire deep down.
I have trained my mind to go from a visceral judgment to curiosity and compassion quicklike. This transition has been a little easier for me due to my mind shattering experiences and exposure to some deeply troubled humans. A soul that carries empathy is a soul that has endured an enormous amount of pain.
Now for the opposite side of the coin — the judgments that rub us wrong and causes defensiveness, are always deeply rooted in your denial of some truth in yourself. Remember everything stems from our own mind and perceptions.
I know what you're thinking right now......
Everything is everyone else fault.
This is also a natural thought pattern to preserve self, but it is inaccurate and unhelpful.
An example of this is when someone says I'm a dumb blonde — I don't give a fuck what they think about my intelligence, because I don't recognize it as true.
However, if someone points out that I am wasting time, or challenges my integrity — I get defensive because this is a character trait I dislike strongly in other humans. As always this is rooted in my own insecurities of always needing to be efficient and me second guessing my conclusions on personal moral standards being based on sound logic.
These defense points are our signals of what we need to work on within ourselves.
Ask what am I not forgiving?
What am I holding on to?
Am I not living my truth?
What am I repressing?
As always, the answer to your questions are always within yourself.
I have several posts on this topic on Facebook: here, here, here, here.