Updated: Feb 9, 2020
People like to play into the victim role with everything in life. Including in curating their happiness. Your boss is impossible to please, your wife is a bitch, and your teenage son doesn’t listen to to a word you say. Everyone else makes it impossible for you to be happy!
But hey, check this; happiness isn’t ready made, it is a direct result of your actions and beliefs. I had years where I chased other humans approval and validation.
If they didn’t think I was a worth while human; I must not be, right?
Do you really need others to tell you if you’re worth life? To validate your existence? To give you constant reassurance and approval that your joy is acceptable? Nonsense. That belief paradigm is the lowest of lows in this life. It’s also a perfect example of ego satisfaction and opposite of ego integration.
Anyone who wants you to live in misery for their happiness should not be in your life.
I finally realized that chasing someone else’s happiness is like chasing fairy dust, so I dropped that shit.
I taught myself that sacrificing my happiness and health to make another human happy isn’t in the least bit noble.
It’s selfish and absolutely unsustainable.
Feeling an obligation to keep someone happy causes an immense amount of harm to everyone involved.
We cannot control another humans mental outlook. It’s futile to attempt to do so.
What we can do is provide an environment for people to be happy in. I often do this by either being happy myself, or by refraining from talking when someone seems to be tearing apart everything I do.
Someone else’s happiness is their choice. It will always be outside of our control.
It’s outside of your control for the following reason
Some people don’t want to be happy.
If you’re a happy person who enjoys living life like I am. NEWS FLASH — not everyone is like you.
In fact, some people hate to be happy and WANT to perpetually engage in habitual patterns that ruin their happiness.
They want to be miserable. They like the attention and drama they get from it. They are perpetual victims that thrive when people run to save them.
It gives them an emotional high. If they have had people doing this for them their entire life — they have learned via dopamine — victimhood gets them the attention that makes them feel good.
Some humans think that it is morally wrong to be happy.
They are of the belief that being unhappy, mad, or sad, is equated to sainthood.
They think those whom are happy are fucking annoying and fake. But remember it doesn’t matter what they think. Your only job is to control your thought patterns. Not another humans.
You make other people reliant on you by being an enabler.
Supporting others in their victimhood is the worst thing you can do for another human — yet, check this — I’ve been referred to as a bitch my entire life for not feeding into this mindset. I refuse to baby someone to the point t that it gives them a permanent handicap. Why? Because I actually fucking care and can see the bigger picture.
Example: I know you want to fix everything for you child, but you are going to end up with your 30 year old still sleeping at home, unless you wake the fuck up and stop giving them a handicap. We all know those little spoiled children that grow up to be entitled assholes.
Tough love is tough, but necessary. It rarely hurts the individual whom is receiving it and destroys the person giving it.
If you’re enabling someone; STOP.
Support should be temporary and you need to let them learn to swim or they will sink when you are no longer around.
Happiness is a perception of an event.
No matter how incredible a moment is, you can’t force someone to ‘stop and smell the flowers’.
We cannot give someone our perspective.
They curate that themselves.
Think of it like health. We can’t share our health — we can only experience it first hand. Yes, you can lead by example — but we can’t force feed an individual, enforce positive thinking, mandate compassion for others, or force them to make better choices in regards to their health.
Humans need to learn to be happy on their own.
The need for others to be happy is a selfish desire.
When you give someone who is constantly entrenched in victimhood attention — you’re training them to feel sorry for themselves.
You’re also training them to need you.
Take note here. This is vain and selfish as fuck.
So, so many humans get their self worth from helping others who don’t need their help. They feel good when they are needed.
Don’t be silly. People need you less than you think they do. Letting them fail will teach them far more then always rescuing them. You’re rescuing them because it makes YOU feel good.
I’m sure this sounds bitchy AF to those whom have always received value from helping others. But like I stated before; the ultimate show of love is by encouraging self-reliance. I’m extremely thankful that I haven’t had someone to lean on most of my life. Why? I don’t get upset when other fail to follow through. It is what it is. I don’t need them for me to be happy.
Example: Momma birds throw their babies out of the nest long before the babies are “ready”. The momma birds do this because they know it’s the only way the baby birds will learn to fly and survive in the wild.
The world is rough my friends. You’re doing someone a bigger favor by leading by example instead of fixing everything for someone in the attempt to make them happy.
The question of the day is: Do you find yourself attempting to make others happy?
Now of course there is a time and place to help others. Like the ones that don’t cry out for it. The ones whom aren’t entitled and expect it.
We should help others not out of the desire to be recognized, or a relentless effort to make ourselves feel superior to our fellow humans — but more from a place of empathy and compassion to help humankind.
Comment over here.